These Phrases from A Parent That Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."